Life through Denial

I'm a right fighter. What I mean by that is, if I think I'm right, then I'm going to fight.  I can be driving a car and if you do something against the rules of the road, I want you to know about it.  If I am in a conversation, I want to make sure you understand where I am coming from.

I also think that typically (I highlight the fact that I think this) I admit when I am wrong.  The problem is that most of the time it is based on feeling, not fact.  So if something is black and white, then I can admit that I was wrong.  If something is based on opinions or perception of a situation, then I'm more likely to think I am right.

This is a pattern, and this is not good!

I also keep getting pushed up against the fact that I am a pretty selfish person.  When I am in a conversation, I immediately think about how the things being talked about affect me.  If I am asked to do something, how does this affect me, how do I feel about this, do I really want to do it?  If someone says something and I think they are saying I did something (when most of the time they are expressing thoughts, not that I did something wrong), I want to justify.

So here's where we are -  I am a right-fighter and a justifier of self.

So you now know how selfish I am...let me tell you where God is working.

 I read 1 Corinthians 3:3 the other day, "for you are still of the flesh.  For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way?"  This is talking about strife in the church, but it hit me.  When I am thinking about myself, that is what causes strife and issues.  It is selfishness.

Next I read, 1 Corinthians 6:7-8, "Why not rather suffer wrong?  Why not rather be defrauded? But you yourselves wrong and defraud even your own brothers." This is talking about lawsuits among believers, but what is a lawsuit but one person has an issue with another.  They think they are right so they fight to get what they think they deserve.

Both of these point to how selfish I am.  It shows me that it is better to suffer wrong (I could better say a perceived wrong, because I have not been truly wronged many times in my life), than to try and show that I am right.  It shows that when I am fighting and quarrel for what I think is right, that just leads to strife in places there should be no strife.  I need to deny myself (Luke 9:23) and live in a way that puts others first (Philippians 2:3-4).

Isn't that what Jesus did?  Didn't he die to His flesh, so that we could be made alive?  Life is brought to those around us when we deny ourselves.  Death is brought when our selfishness puts us on the throne of our lives and leaves others as pawns meant to do our bidding.  I want to learn to not think about myself in a way that others actions or thoughts justify me, but as someone that loves and points people to Jesus because I truly care about them first!

Reality & Restoration

We all live in a reality.  Whatever our current situation is, that is our reality.  Some people try and escape that reality.  Some people embrace that reality.  Sometimes that reality is good.  Sometimes that reality is hard.  BUT, it is reality, whatever it is & however we deal with it.  Here is my honest admittance of the reality I (and because of it not just being me), Kasey and our kids, and others are living in because of me...

I have been going to a discipleship program, disguised as a recovery ministry, at Watermark Community Church's Fort Worth Campus called ReGeneration on Monday nights.  (My shameless plug is to go to it, no matter your reality, because we all have things to dig into to grow in our relationship with the LORD).  Here's where things have hit in the last month as I am digging in...

First, I have had to come to an acknowledgement of the hurt my sin has caused.  I have done this in small doses along the way, but this was a big horse pill dose-  hard to swallow and stayed in the gut for a while.  But, healing only comes when we admit where our reality has been.

Second, I have come face to face with the fact that I struggle with what full restoration looks like.  My life changed drastically in one big sweeping motion and restoration is an interesting journey to walk when that happens.  I have seen restoration with Kasey and I, with many relationships, and I know more is to come.  With that said here is what I am learning...

Romans 8:18, "I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us."  Disclaimer, this is about eternity, this is about the restoration of all things when Jesus comes back.  This hit me on a personal level the other day though.  There is a sense of suffering in this present time for our family (not looking for consolation or encouragement, that just is what it is).  Kasey describes it as an exile. It’s not that people are exiling us, it’s just the result of the change. Here's the cool thing, God always grow us in exile times and brings really cool things from it.  So these times of suffering (even if self induced) will bring something on the other side that is amazing, if we submit to God.

Romans 8:20, "the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope..."  We live in a reality of futility.  Sometimes that is not willingly, as above with creation.  Sometimes that futility comes at our own doing.  But futility is what we live in none the less, BUT that futility, when we turn to Christ is always in hope.

Right around the time, last week, when these verses were working on me, I saw a waxing crescent moon (that's for my science nerds) and it mesmerized me.  I kept staring at it and felt God say, "You don't see all of it-  you don't see the whole picture.  And even when it is a full moon, you still only see half the picture." 

Whatever our reality is, whatever we are currently facing...it is only part of the picture.  It is only a little step into the purpose God has.  That is where faith comes in, we trust God knows and has something better on the other side.  He is good and we can trust him.

So after this struggle of what full restoration looks like, here is what I learned. Full restoration is knowing God, enjoying God, and walking in His purposes for us.  Restoration is not about our idea of the way things should be, restoration is about walking in freedom with our relationship with the LORD (and as a perk, relationship with others) and walking in the purposes God has for us.

Eyes Open

This past Sunday our Lead Pastor, Jeremy White, was preaching about being overwhelmed in marriage.  It was an incredible message about laying down our right to the crown (that we are in charge) and picking up the towel of service (just like Jesus did).  He read several passages, but he initially went back to Genesis 3, which is the place where everything went wrong.  There is a phrase that Satan uses, "your eyes will be opened".  There was something in that phrase that has continued to sit on me this entire week.

I am a hyper vigilant person by nature.  I watch everything that is going on around me.  When I see a  movement, I naturally just turn my attention to whatever that thing is.  The problem is, I will sometimes (and truthfully in the past, most of the time) neglect what is right in front of me that should have my attention.  Kasey, my beautiful bride, has many times marveled (maybe that's a strong word, but I like it when she marvels at me :)) at what I notice in any given situation.  I actually for a long time wore that as a badge of honor.  I thought, look at me and how observant I am.

Back to Genesis 3, Satan wanted Adam and Eve's eyes to be opened.  He knew that at the time he was talking to Eve that he could not distract them.  He had only one ploy to get their eyes opened to the distractions he offers, that was to eat of the tree.  So he enticed them.  He made them think there was something more, that their eyes were not fully opened, so they were missing something.  Our eyes being opened to all the distractions Satan offers, both small and large, is exactly how he gets us off track.

This train of thought by Satan goes hand in hand with so many places in Scripture that God is calling for the opposite.  Matthew 6:33, "seek first the Kingdom of God", focus all your attention on it.  Philippians 4:8, "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things", open your eyes to the good God is doing.  God knows that our eyes are open to sin, to distractions, ultimately to death.  His desire is for us to turn our eyes from the things Satan wanted our eyes open to.

There are lines of work where people have to stay hyper vigilant.  Their lives, and ours, depend on it- first responders, military personnel, and many others who risk their lives for people around them.  And let me say thank you to each and everyone person that stands in harms way on our behalf.  But here is the difference. They see a threat and destroy it.  Their eyes are open, but for a specific thing.  They don't get distracted by little things, they are looking for things that can harm.

This is our lesson.  Stay hyper focused on God and the things of God.  Also be on the look out for how Satan is trying to "open your eyes" to things that would distract you...and ultimately destroy you.  And you relentlessly seek to blow those things up.  Get them out of your life.

I also thought, how sad for Adam and Eve...and then for us.  Before they ate, their eyes were opened to the only thing that mattered.  Their eyes were on the LORD.  Their eyes had everything they needed.  Their eyes were opened to the very thing God has been trying to get His people to focus on ever since.  That is what distraction does, that is what being hyper focused on things that don't matter does, it takes us away from the thing(s) God is calling us to.

Realize the only way for our eyes to be open, is to be stayed fast on the LORD!

Relent vs. Restore

There are stories in the Bible where God sees the sin of people.  He then sends someone or something to speak to them.  He tells them of coming destruction and calamity.  He tells them that things are about to go really bad if they don't repent and turn.  And they do-they turn.  They seek forgiveness.  They seek God and His ways and God relents of His coming judgment.  It happened with Jonah and Nineveh.  It happened several times to the nations of Israel and Judah.  God reveals Himself.  Typically someone or some group recognizes their sin and repents.  They call others to repent.  And God doesn't bring the calamity and destruction.  That happens- it still happens today.  God takes away the calamity and destruction.  This can happen in a 1,000 different ways, but it is God's grace and we don't deserve it.

But here is the one that is every bit as beautiful, yet we would rather not go through it.  It is God's restoration.  There are many more times in the Bible that I can point to that show this. The children of Israel not going into the promised land but having to wait 40 years.  The entire book of Judges is a cycle of God not relenting but bringing discipline because of sin and then restoring Israel.  David, many times in his life saw this happen.  The Babylonian exile of the nation of Judah.  Those are just some of the times God brought discipline in some form, but then worked in His people to purify and cleanse them, then restored them.

That is my story!  That is my path!  Let me say this- I wish I had the first story.  I wish I had taken God's call to repent early on and not had the consequences and discipline that God rightly brought.  I wish, but I can't change the past...unless someone has a time machine I can borrow. I want to change it all, less for myself and more for the people affected by my choices.

Not being able to change the past leads me to this next thought. I'm grateful for the discipline of the LORD.  It is one of the most beautifully messy things I have ever taken part in.  It is something (since I can't change the past) that I would not change.  After my sin, if God had relented all the consequences and discipline, I would have missed out.  I would have missed out on seeing God's beautiful forgiveness played out in so many people toward me.  I would have missed out on the faith that He is building in me (and my family) because of the current place He has us.  I would have missed out on the refining work He is doing in my character, which is very painful, but the pain pales in comparison to the beauty it is producing.

We don't like discipline, Hebrews tells us no one likes it, but we need it...I need it.  The restoration God is bringing is unbelievable!  It is a full restoration.  I don't mean full as in I will get back everything I forfeited. Honestly, I'm not sure what the other side of this looks like (that's the faith it is growing in us).  It is full because God doesn't do anything halfway.  When He restores, it brings fullness of joy.  It may look different than it did before, BUT it is every bit as good...actually it is better.  It is better because the character God births in His children through discipline makes us more like Him...and that is better!  It is ALWAYS better.  It is purer!  It is refined!  It looks more like Him.  And that is the goal- to look more like Him.

A warning that is followed by our turning back to God, shows that we are listening and following God.  That is when God relents.  BUT when we need to become more like God, He does not relent.  He brings discipline and consequences.  And if we then turn to Him, He restores and molds our character to His character.  If we are not like Him, He will do whatever it takes to make us more like Him.  That is my story!  It is messy and hard and not fun, BUT since I can't change the past, I gladly accept it.

My challenge is accept whatever comes from the LORD.  Answer His call quickly, so that He can relent.  But if He has to bring discipline, accept it.  Learn from it.  Know that He is doing something in you that will be amazing! Trust Him!!

"Just as I...(He)...am...(was)

Most of us know the old hymn, "Just as I am."  It is a hymn of the faith which speaks to the fact that Jesus takes us just like we are.  He doesn't want us to stay in that spot (whatever that spot is), but He meets us there and bids us to, "go and sin no more!"

What about this old saying (that no one says), "they took him with them in the boat, just as he was."  This is an old saying because it was writing 2000 years ago.  It is recorded in Mark 4:35.  It struck me as I read it this morning, what a strange saying.  Theologians will point to the urgency of the passage.  They got in the boat and went just as they were.  Although it strikes me that it only says that about Jesus.  Maybe that is the right interpretation of the passage, maybe it is just a statement thrown in for effect...but maybe not.

When you read the whole story (Mark 4:35-41), you notice something.  The story is about Jesus' disciples getting in the boat, the storm coming up quickly on the sea, and Jesus calming it.  The last verse records their thoughts, "Who then is this, that even wind and sea obey Him?".  The disciples were not 100% sure about this Jesus.  Yes they were following Him.  Yes they saw Him do some amazing Him.  Yes they believed in Him as much as they could to this point.  But this, this was different.

He didn't just have authority over demons and physical issues.  He had authority over the wind and the sea.  This was different.  The others can be parlor tricks, yes they were awesome, but we all get a little skeptical when people say they heal (and yes I believe 100% that God can and still does heal in miraculous and supernatural ways...but unfortunately we can still have this doubting Thomas mindset).  You can't fake this!  You can't have a storm come up and just say "stop" and it stops.  That is different, that is something more!

Now back to the "just as He was" verse.  When Jesus got in the boat, they were accepting Him for all they knew He was.  He was a great teacher!  He was a miracle worker!  He was compassionate and kind!  He was loving and forgiving!  He was the embodiment of all that the Scriptures say God is!  But after this they knew more, they knew Jesus was more than anything they had seen or heard about.  They knew that He was greater!

Often times we accept Jesus for who He is.  We have the Scripture and it gives us His exact nature.  We experience Him in our daily lives.  We accept all that we know of Him.  But then there are those times, those times that He blows us out of the water.  Those times where we are so awe struck that we can't believe He just did that!  Jesus calls us to accept all that we know about Him.  Then He bids us to hold on, because He is going to continually amaze us, if we stay with Him on the journey.

You may not understand all of who Jesus is (you are in good company, because NO ONE does).  But He says, "Take what you do know (even if you are a little skeptical) and just journey with me. I have things in store for your life that will amaze you.  I have a path that will lead you to life!  Come, follow Me!"

Just as I am!  Following Jesus, just as He is!

Expectant vs. Expecting

I have to tell a story, before I get to this thought...

The other morning I was spending time with the LORD (reading the Bible/praying).  I was overwhelmed with the thought that something really good was on the horizon.  The actual thought I had was a picture of the lake, it was beautiful and amazing!  That picture came with the thought that just like that picture, God has something He is about to bring that is amazing and beautiful.  I am not joking, within 5 minutes of that thought, Kasey texted and said she had this feeling that God was going to do something really good that day.

Now to the point of the post...I immediately thought, "I am going to sell a house today", "Someone is going to call and I am going to list an amazing house that is going to sell quickly".  Those were the thoughts, and others like it, that ran through my mind.  Then God gave me a little front end alignment! He gave me the thought, "There is a difference between expecting and being expectant".

Expecting is defined as, "regarding (something) as likely to happen".  This is (at least in my mind) something specific.  I believe (blank) will occur.  That is what happened to me the other day, and truthfully happens to me a lot.  God starts to move and work and I am expecting Him to come through in a certain way.

Expectant is different.  It is defined as, "having or showing an excited feeling that something is about to happen, especially something pleasant and interesting." Expectant feels different to me.  It is something is going to happen, but it is not specific.  There is a little more unknown to it.  There is excitement that some unspecified thing is going to happen.

Expecting, even by definition, seems more demanding, this thing is "likely to happen".  Expectant says I have "an excited feeling" about something coming.

When God starts to move, I want to put some exact action on it.  The thing that breeds is demand, "God this thing should happen."  It also breeds disappointment, "God you are moving, but if you don't do (blank) it is not good enough."

Expectant is so much better.  It is a faith step.  It is an unknown of what God wants to do.  It doesn't breed disappointment, it breeds excitement.  It also doesn't limit God!  I would have loved to have sold a house that day, but what if God had something different that was WAY better (hopefully I recognize that material things are not the end all and what God has is so much better). What if I sold a house, but God had something else I missed because I was SO focused on that?

I want to live expectant.  I want to live in a way that says God you are moving and I don't care what you do, I am expectant that you are going to do something!  How much better is to live that way?  How much more joy does that breed?  How much more faith?  If I'm only looking to sell a house, that is a NARROW view.  If I am believing God for something big, my gaze is more broad and open to whatever He may have!

Which do you naturally live in...Expectant or Expecting?

Is there a difference between Goals and Vision?

This question has been rolling through my mind the last few weeks.  Let me start by saying, I am NO expert on this.  There is NO research done...outside of what I have thought through in my own head (so if you keep reading...it could be scary).

First of all, I have to say, there is nothing wrong with setting goals.  I know some people thrive in that environment.  Some people thrive by having something out in front of them that keeps them driven.  I am currently (and this has been an off and on process for a long time) trying to lose weight and get healthier.  So that looks like eating better and working out.  The eating better is so that I don't drop at an early age because I love fried foods.  The working out is me doing some cardio and a little weight work.  The goal of both of those things is to be healthier, feel better, and to be able to enjoy the incredible family and all the things God has before me.  That is a good goal, it is measurable in multiple ways, there are some specifics to it, and it is attainable.

Vision is different than this (just gave you my answer to the question).  Vision is more than a goal.  Vision points in a direction.  Vision is an anchor for everything else you do.  Vision is not a momentary achievement, which most goals are.  If I set a goal for weight loss, finances, etc, there is a moment in time where that goal is reached.  Vision is there even without reaching a specific goal or long after that goal is met.

BUT and here is the big but, a goal can never contradict the vision. I can set a goal to enjoy an afternoon of watching football (you can see where my mind is this close to the season starting), but that goal can never contradict the vision for my family and how I am going love and interact with them.

Vision trumps everything!  Vision makes us look at the big picture.  Vision drives our goals.  Vision drives our thoughts.  Vision drives the ins and outs of our days.  Proverbs 29:18 says, "Where there is no vision, people cast off restraint." (some versions say the people perish).  I think cast off restraint gets to the heart.  It means without vision people do whatever the heck they want.  People live in a way that has no anchor.  People do whatever feels right in a moment. The truth is, the next moment may bring something else that "feels right".  Vision does not allow that happen!

I have lived lots of my life without vision...there is my confession.  I have lived doing what I want in any given moment.  I had goals - I provided for my family.  I was a nice guy.  I lived with people seeing me as I wanted them to see me, not as I truly was.  There were goals...and I achieved them (the good and bad ones).

I want to live with vision!  God gave me this a few months ago.  Honor God, Honor my family, and work my butt off for people.  When I live with that vision in front of me, it completely dictates how I do EVERYTHING!

I want to be present in each moment, while having an eternal vision in front of me!

No Control...and I like it!!!

I'm sitting down to write this and honestly don't know exactly where it is going.  I have had a few thoughts from the LORD over the past couple of days that seem random and that they don't go together, but I feel like there is some connection.  SO, if you have any thoughts on this I'll take it.

There is a sermon by a faithful brother named Jeff Parker who serves at Watermark's Plano Campus. I have listened to it 3 times since January.  That sermon is a HUGE part of my story and so is Jeff.  I was listening to the sermon yesterday and a line stuck out that I don't remember from the first 2 times I listened to it.  "Those who have tested the warnings of Scripture, can't help but live the rest of their lives trying to taste the promises of Scripture."  When you have rebelled, when you have seen the destruction that lies on the other side of going against God's ways, everything in you just wants to see God and His ways.  I have a good friend that said for him it is being grateful everyday for the things God has given.  It is not taking for granted anything.  I am grateful for the promises of God.  I don't mean some health/wealth gospel.  I mean the promises that God brings forgiveness and restoration.  That although consequences of sin are real (and sometimes lasting), God's grace is bigger than even the hardship of consequences.  God's promises and path is always better!

The other thought I have had is from Galatians 5:1, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free..."  There is only 1 type of freedom!  There is only 1 type of bondage!  The freedom is following God, trusting God, living each day as if it is for Him and Him alone.  The only bondage is living ANYTHING that is even slightly against that premise.  In the last few weeks the new job has had me worried, what if I don't do good enough, what if I make mistakes, what if I can't provide for my family.  The other day it hit me, that is not freedom.  That is not what Christ died for.  That is me being enslaved to my insecurity.  That is me being enslaved to my performance.  That is me being enslaved to worry.  When that thought hit me, that Christ died to bring freedom, not just for my sin (although that is 100% true), but also to my insecurity, worry, self, it changed me.  It made me realize that I have nothing to be enslaved to.  Nothing that can hold any sway over me.  Freedom is being whimsical! Freedom is being goofy!  Freedom is enjoying all that God has! Freedom is working your tale off, finding joy in that work, and realizing that God has all of it.  I can't control anything, NOTHING is in my control, except this one thing...Living Free in Christ!

The last thought sort of builds off the previous thought...at least in my weird mind.  It is ONLY in my weakness that God's strength shines through.  2 Corinthians 12:9b-10, "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong"  Paul is talking here about several things.  He is talking about hardships that God brings to strengthen Paul's faith.  He is talking about outside persecution that is brought because we live in a fallen world.  But I also believe he is talking about the fact that his strength is not strength but weakness.  Our best efforts fall WAY short.  I am coming to realize, that I am SO weak.  When I admit my weakness, when I live not as someone in control, but as someone who has NO control and I trust in the only one that has control, that is when life works.  I cannot be free if I am living trying to control.  I cannot be free living in my own strength.  True freedom comes when I confess my weaknesses and trust the only strong one!

I want to live dependent on God.  Let's be honest, that is scary sometimes.  It is scary because God wants us to be people of faith, not people of comfort.  God is not here to make us happy, God is here to make us holy.  God's desire is to change us from what we were to what we are becoming.  We are in process.  That process for me right now is realizing complete dependence on God and His ways is the ONLY way.  I have lived the other side...it is not good.  God and His ways I have tasted, and they are good!  I am grateful today.  I am grateful for my beautiful wife.  I am grateful for my crazy kids.  I am grateful for amazing friends that are walking with us.  I am grateful for a job that is causing me to exercise faith in ways I never have before.  I am grateful, because I have no control (what a freeing thought!)

Forrest Gump Real Estate

There are so many ways to go with this...

-"Life is like a box of chocolates..."
-"Run, Forrest Run!" (that one could hold so many meanings!!!)

The phrase I landed on though was, "I'm not a smart man...".  That describes me very well.  I'm not the smartest guy in the world, but over the course of a few months I have learned some important lessons in Real Estate.  I share these based on things I have seen already that I am 99% sure are universally true.  (BTW - 82% of stats are made up on the spot)

1)  This business is about relationships.  I have served in places where that was also true.  I am learning more and more that people have to trust the person they are entrusting with their largest financial investment (whether they are buying or selling a home).

2)  The little things are actually the big things. Picture quality, staging, wording of descriptions are things that get overlooked, but quality Real Estate Agents will not over look them.  I have walked into houses that I thought (based on the pictures I saw) were going to be...let's just say...not pretty houses.  After I walked in, I realized this is a great house.  If pictures make a person have a negative thought process about a house, even if they go see the house, their frame of mind has to be overcome before they will be willing to buy.  Pictures, the way house is staged, and what is said about the house, puts people into a positive OR negative thought process about the house.  As an agent, our job is to set a positive framework in people's minds before they ever set foot into the house.

3) marketing, Marketing, MARKETING!!  When talking about Real Estate, location, location, location is massive, but for agents marketing is where your value is found.  We are in a market that is moving fast. People who are trying to do For Sale By Owner can find success (the proof is that greater success can be found with an agent...alas that's another post for another day).  Here is the bottom line, an agent's job is to know who will be interested in a particular property.  Is it an investment property? Is it a first time home buyer property? Is it a property that is for an executive of a successful business?  An agent should know that and market to those people.  Simply putting a property out there for people to see on the MLS, Zillow, Realtor.com, Facebook is not good enough anymore.  A Realtor must know who will be interested in a property & market directly to them.

Last thought...if you are looking for a Realtor, please, please ask them the following questions:
-Are they just there for the money? Or are they going to seek to build a lasting relationship with you that is meant to benefit you as well as them?
-Are they going to focus on the little details?  And how are they are going to do that?
-How will they market your property?

There are many quality Real Estate agents out there.  DO NOT settle for anything less than what is going to be best for your needs!

Thanks for reading!!
Brad
254-396-6657

Things God is teaching me

So I am starting this off by saying I am NOT a blogger.  My background has been in teaching, so I write not as a blogger but someone that is just passing along the things that have been shown to me.  You may find this (and other "blogs") of use...you may not.  It doesn't hurt my feelings either way.  In some ways this is just an online journal for me...SO here goes what I've been learning.

In a season of my life where my sin is ever before me, God is showing His mercy, His grace, His blessing (no matter how undeserved...and His blessing to me is completely undeserved).

I have been reading in Ezekiel.  A couple of things that keep sticking out to me are that God keeps saying He will bring some sort of disaster, but it will be so, "You will know I am the LORD God".  His desire is to be known.  His desire is to be known, because in knowing Him we have life!  In a couple of spots He adds in, "they will know that I am the LORD their God" (28:26).  He does this as He is assuring them (and us) of His continued love for His people.  God is about His glory and His name...it is all that matters!

In 20:40-44, He tells the people that they will see His glory.  In that time they will be aware of their sin, their corruptness.  They will see and remember what they have done and they will loathe it.  When we come in contact with a holy God, when He confronts us with our sin, we have a since of despair and loathing.  God does not want us loathe ourselves and fall into some sort of depression.  In fact that loathing and realization of our sin is meant to draw us to Him.  It is meant to make us realize we can't gain salvation or redemption on our own.  If we could we wouldn't need Jesus.

In the loathing of our struggle with sin, God says, "you shall know that I am the LORD, when I deal with you for my name's sake, not according to your evil ways, nor according to your corrupt deeds."  PRAISE THE LORD!  Praise the LORD that even before Jesus showed up on the scene, God was not dealing with us according to our sin.  AND NOW, after Jesus has come we have the exact nature of God's love shown in what Jesus did for us by taking our sin upon Himself at the cross.

It is also striking that God will teach us who He is by not killing us on the spot for our sin.  He shows grace and in that grace He shows Himself!

My prayer for myself and for all that follow Jesus is that we would recognize it is in God's grace toward us that His name is made known.  Don't try and hide your sin away, know that it is through God's gracious gift to us that His name is known!