I'm a right fighter. What I mean by that is, if I think I'm right, then I'm going to fight. I can be driving a car and if you do something against the rules of the road, I want you to know about it. If I am in a conversation, I want to make sure you understand where I am coming from.
I also think that typically (I highlight the fact that I think this) I admit when I am wrong. The problem is that most of the time it is based on feeling, not fact. So if something is black and white, then I can admit that I was wrong. If something is based on opinions or perception of a situation, then I'm more likely to think I am right.
This is a pattern, and this is not good!
I also keep getting pushed up against the fact that I am a pretty selfish person. When I am in a conversation, I immediately think about how the things being talked about affect me. If I am asked to do something, how does this affect me, how do I feel about this, do I really want to do it? If someone says something and I think they are saying I did something (when most of the time they are expressing thoughts, not that I did something wrong), I want to justify.
So here's where we are - I am a right-fighter and a justifier of self.
So you now know how selfish I am...let me tell you where God is working.
I read 1 Corinthians 3:3 the other day, "for you are still of the flesh. For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way?" This is talking about strife in the church, but it hit me. When I am thinking about myself, that is what causes strife and issues. It is selfishness.
Next I read, 1 Corinthians 6:7-8, "Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded? But you yourselves wrong and defraud even your own brothers." This is talking about lawsuits among believers, but what is a lawsuit but one person has an issue with another. They think they are right so they fight to get what they think they deserve.
Both of these point to how selfish I am. It shows me that it is better to suffer wrong (I could better say a perceived wrong, because I have not been truly wronged many times in my life), than to try and show that I am right. It shows that when I am fighting and quarrel for what I think is right, that just leads to strife in places there should be no strife. I need to deny myself (Luke 9:23) and live in a way that puts others first (Philippians 2:3-4).
Isn't that what Jesus did? Didn't he die to His flesh, so that we could be made alive? Life is brought to those around us when we deny ourselves. Death is brought when our selfishness puts us on the throne of our lives and leaves others as pawns meant to do our bidding. I want to learn to not think about myself in a way that others actions or thoughts justify me, but as someone that loves and points people to Jesus because I truly care about them first!
